Sunny Days

I met Nelson during the Spring of 2008.  We had a calculus class together and he also lived on the same floor in my then-boyfriend's all-male dorm.  During class he, my boyfriend, and I would sit in the back and text each other constantly.  It was amusing at the time, but I wondered why Nelson and I never spoke in person.  He would always wave as he bounced by with his headphones on (and I do mean bounced; He explained to me once that "this is how people walk in Brooklyn", but I have since visited and do not believe this), but the most interaction we had apart from texting was when I tutored him in calculus.  On one the of the last days of the quarter he sent me a text saying that he had made me a mixed CD to listen to on sunny summer days, and that he was going to give it to my boyfriend to give to me.  I had some free time and was interested to see what was on the CD, so I swung by the dorms and picked it up.

That CD was the soundtrack of my summer.  Listening to it brought back memories of warm, care-free days in which I drove around with my windows down and the stereo cranked as loud as it could go.  Nelson asked me if I enjoyed the CD and I told him that I did, but I honestly don't think he believed me.  I was mostly into metal at that time, and the tracks he chose were far from that (see track list below).  He knew I was having a rough time in New York, as I had no support from either parent and was struggling to make it on my own while going to school, so he promised that he would make the next school year the best of my life.

I wasn't much for parties back then and had only been intoxicated a handful of times.  Staying home and playing video games was more my bag; I just wasn't into the whole house party scene.  During the early winter Nelson dragged me to a big party off-campus, and it was so, so very awkward.  I wasn't dressed fashionably by any means and felt completely out of place.  When the limo arrived to take everyone to the club I told Nelson that I was going to split.  He put some of his belongings in my truck in an attempt to keep me from leaving, but I insisted that he should go have a good time and explained that this just wasn't my thing.  It took a while but he eventually hopped in the limo with a 30-rack and I took off.  That was the first and last party I ever went with Nelson to.

We didn't talk (read: text message) extremely often, but we were in contact fairly consistently.  He'd typically call me while drunk and we'd chat for a while, but those conversations didn't have a whole lot of substance.  The only times I ever visited him were to pick up gifts he had bought for me (Red Bull, the best trail mix I've ever had, a Conor Oberst poster and another mixed CD- all of which had sentimental value) because I honestly thought our relationship was a bit odd and that he had a weird thing for me.  During one of those visits he explained to me how he didn't know me but had this urge to get to know me, and he didn't know why.  He said I was the perfect mixed drink and that I had a "doofy smile".  I found this strange, but looking back on it now all I can see is how much he cared.  He called me every Christmas that he knew I was alone because he wanted to cheer me up while my own father did not. 

Nelson passed away last July while at a friend's birthday bash in Brooklyn.  Around 4:00am individuals noticed his body in the deep end of a pool, and his friends pulled him out.  His heartbeat had already stopped.  About a week before his death we had the following conversation:

Nelson: Hey there
Me: Hello
Nelson: What's good in the hood girl. Haven't talked to you in a minute, staying out of trouble?
Me: Trying to, working a lot but spending a lot too :P How are you?
Nelson: Kickin it in an urban paradise, partying like a rock star. Suppose to be writing this book, but I've been getting...easily distracted XD
Me: It happens, I don't finish a lot of my endeavors because I get distracted by something else
Nelson: ...Guess that was my (semi) literal wake up call.
Me: What?
Nelson: Yeaa...have a good day, peace.
Me: Didn't mean for that to be a wake up call, I'm just saying I get distracted as well.

That was the last time I ever spoke with him, and I really wish that the conversation had gone differently.  After his death I became quite the heavy drinker, and when classes resumed I would often go out partying- something Nelson always wanted me to do with him, but I never had the desire to do.  Since then I have stopped binge drinking, but I do enjoy a good party and wish that Nelson could accompany me to one now.  A couple weeks ago I went to Voodoo Monkey Tattoo and got "Sunny Days" tattooed on my right wrist in his handwriting:

It is hard for me to explain what "Sunny Days" means to me because it is more of a feeling and outlook than anything tangible.  It's encouragement, happiness, appreciation, understanding, finding beauty in even the ugliest moments, and so much more. Nelson impacted my life in a way that I never would have imagined during the time he was alive.  In retrospect I wonder why he cared so much and was more sentimental than the majority of my close friends and lovers, but I will probably never know.  Rest in peace, Nelson.  You assisted in forever putting a doofy smile on my face.

Tracklist:

Gorillaz - O Green World (Drinking All the Sunshine)
TV On the Radio - Let The Devil In
TV On the Radio - Dirtywhirl
Klaxons - Gravity's Rainbow
The Fratellis - Flathead
Santogold - L.E.S. Artistes
Modest Mouse - The View
M.I.A. - Paper Planes
Gorillaz - All Alone
Gorillaz - Dare
Gorillaz - Clint Eastwood
Bloc Party - This Modern Love
Bloc Party - Helicopter (Diplo Remix)
Architecture in Helsinki - Maybe You Can Owe Me
Architecture in Helsinki - Heart It Races
Architecture in Helinski - Do The Whirlwind
Rogue Wave - Lake Michigan
Tokyo Police Club - Be Good
Justice - D.A.N.C.E.
Evangelicals - Midnight Vignette